


april

by softhoons



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softhoons/pseuds/softhoons
Summary: "You will bloom again."A short story of a boy who loses all faith in living and tries to kill himself and she tries to save him from falling.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Original Character(s), Choi Yeonjun/Original Character(s)





	april

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-post of my original story written on Wattpad. I hope you guys enjoy.

Once upon a time, there was a boy.

A sad boy, to say the least, with dark chocolate eyes and messed up hair that he didn't bother to ever fix. An angry boy, throwing all the faults at the world around him.

But he wasn't always the sad, angry, depressed kid they made him out to be.

In fact, he used to be the kid that everyone adored, the one that always had a smile decorating their face. He was the kid everyone wanted to be friends with — or at least claim they were friends with him.

But he should've known his happiness and smiles wouldn't last forever.

His mother died during the winter of 2010. He was 11 at the time, and even though he was young, he could feel his whole world come crashing down with the simple words of one person.

"She couldn't make it."

She couldn't make it.

Maybe she didn't fight hard enough. Or maybe she didn't want to make it. But it didn't matter — none of it did. She was gone, and no one could bring her back.

It's cliché, actually, for your mother's death to be the reason why you changed your way of seeing the world. It's stupid to say that you were no longer the smiling, happy kid everyone liked because your mother died in a car accident.

But it was true.

The day of her funeral was probably the saddest day of his life as he stood feet away from his mother's casket, tears streaming down his cheeks. He wouldn't admit it, but he felt so broken watching people pile bouquets of flowers on her body.

"Chin up, kid," his father would tell him. The boy knew his father wouldn't show any remorse for his dead wife. "Stop crying. Real men don't cry."

All he could do was nod and wipe his tears. His father walked away and towards the casket thanking everyone for coming.

He couldn't stay any longer.

He ran out of the church, slamming the doors behind him. It was raining that day, as if God was crying with him. He fell onto his knees and screamed towards the skies, asking why they took his mother. He wished they would give him an answer, but deep inside he knew it wouldn't happen.

The day he returned to school, he felt as if he were in a living hell.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he made his way through the halls, their whispers loud enough for him to hear.

"I heard his mother died in an accident last month."

"Poor kid. How could he even show his face when something like that happened?"

"Shouldn't he be at home with his family?"

"He probably killed her."

It shouldn't have been such a big deal to others, but some people were just so nosy and couldn't mind their own business.

"Hey." Someone had approached him at lunch one day, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Heard your mother died, huh?"

He didn't reply and continued to eat his sandwich. His eyes were emotionless, as if he were a robot being controlled. The usual sparkle in his eyes was no longer visible.

"Just wanted to say I'm sorry." The boy sat down in front of him and offered a smile, but he ignored him and closed his lunch box, getting up and leaving. The boy stared at him confused before following him.

"Hey!" he yelled through the empty halls, chasing after him. "Wait! Where are you going?"

He turned around and stared at the boy, anger filling his eyes. "Stop following me," he growled. "I don't care what you have to say."

"I'm just tryna tell you I--"

"I don't care." He turned around and walked away.

That was the last time anyone had tried to talk to him, the last time anyone showed that they cared. Until she came along, that is.

Her name was May.

May was a quiet girl, never speaking to anyone unless needed. It had always been like that ever since she was a child and it didn't plan to change.

At least not until the night on the bridge.

She had gone there to clear her head that night — it had always been the place she went when she needed to be alone. The city lights illuminated the dark night sky and May wondered how something could be so beautiful.

That was when she heard it, footsteps on the bridge. Usually, no one would be there — it was too late for anyone to be there anyway — so she turned around to see who it was. It seemed like a boy, but she couldn't quite tell since he had a hood covering his head. She chose to look away and mind her own business.

It wasn't until he stopped a few feet beside her that he spoke. "How beautiful," the boy mumbled, "those city lights over there." May nodded at the stranger's words.

"I wonder," he continued, his voice barely audible, "how they managed to make something so beautiful." She continued to listen to his words without saying anything. Even though he was a stranger, it was nice to look at the view with someone else.

He sounds like a kid, May thought at some point. Just like me. "It is pretty," she said quietly once the boy had stopped talking. "Prettier than it should be."

They were quiet, none of them daring to say a word and break their silence. They were comfortable like that, staring at the view of the city before them with admiration in their eyes.

It was past midnight when May finally decided to leave the bridge and the city behind, along with the boy. She gave him a small nod — though he didn't notice, too mesmerized by the view — and turned around to walk away. When she turned around to look at the view one last time, she saw something she thought she'd never witness.

It was the boy, and he was climbing onto the railing of the bridge. Her eyes widened and she ran towards him.

Just as he was about to let himself fall into the waters reflecting the view of the city, May grabbed his wrist and pulled the boy back, making both of them fall back.

She rolled over and sat up, breathing heavily. "Are you crazy?!" she yelled, not caring if anyone heard her. "Do you want to die?!"

"Yes."

It was silent as the boy sat up, his black hood falling and revealing his beaten up face and blue hair. "I've always wanted to die in front of something beautiful," he said, looking May in the eyes. He was so serious, it scared her. "Today was my chance. You took it from me."

May sighed. "You don't have to die," she said to the stranger. "There are other ways to fix a problem."

"None of them will bring her back." The boy looked away and back at the city. "I just wanted to see her once again, before I close my eyes forever."

What's he going on about? She stood up and walked towards him, holding her hand out for him to take. "Suicide isn't the answer to everything," she said softly, as if she were talking to a child. He turned towards her and stared at her hand.

"How would you know?" he asked. She smiled.

"Because I've tried. Trust me, it won't work."

. . .

As much as May wanted to forget about that night, she couldn't help but let her thoughts wander back to it. She remembered the way the boy had looked at her, his eyes void of any emotion. It was like staring at the dead — it brought back memories she didn't want to relive.

She thought that, that would be the last time she would ever see him. She was positive that after that night, he had already taken the chance and killed himself — but oh, was she wrong.

As she turned the corner into an alleyway, someone had bumped into her shoulder, causing her to stumble back. The person stopped walking and stared at May. His eyes slightly widened and the girl immediately recognized him.

"S-Sorry," he said, keeping his head low. He turned around and started walking away when May followed and called after him.

"Wait," she said, grabbing onto his arm. She was surprised to see him, but happy that he hadn't gone on with his plan. The boy turned around.

"What?" he asked, pulling his hood down. There was no use for him to hide his identity anymore now that she had recognized him.

May offered him a small smile. "Follow me."

She never thought she'd end up sitting outside of a convenience store eating ramen with a stranger. In fact, she never thought she'd do it with anyone.

May watched the boy eat it slowly, his eyes wandering around. "Thanks," he said with a small smile. "People don't usually do things for... well, for me."

"I just wanted to know if you were okay," May said. "You are okay, right?"

The boy's smile slowly turned into a grin. "I am everything but okay," he said. He looked down at his cup or ramen and sighed. "But I appreciate you asking."

May frowned. She'd been through many things and she knew he wasn't okay, but she didn't expect him to be so honest about it. "What's your name?" she asked, setting her cup of coffee on the ground beside her.

"Why?" he asked. "I don't give my name out to strangers. Plus, it's not like we'll meet again after this, so there's no point."

"I'd like to think we will meet again," she said with a small smile. "It'd be nice, to see that you haven't given up yet." He looked at her with glossy eyes. She held her hand out, "I'm May," she said.

He stared at her hand, hesitant to take it. He sighed again, "Yeonjun," he said. May's smile grew.

The two sat in silence, he ate his ramen and she drank her coffee. It wasn't as awkward as Yeonjun had thought it would be, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either.

"Why did you stop me?" he suddenly asked, staring straight ahead. He knew that if he looked her in the eyes and said those words, he would say something he didn't want her to know. "Why did you have to turn around and stop me?"

May didn't have an exact answer to his question. "It was the most that I could to at the moment," she said quietly. "I couldn't just watch you jump off that bridge, even if you are a stranger to me."

"Everyone watches," Yeonjun said, "and no one does anything." He finally turned towards her and looked at her. "That's how it's always been — you watch, but you never do anything about it because you don't care. And yet, you stopped me — how could you possibly care about someone you had just met?"

"Would you have stopped me if I were going to jump?" May asked.

"You can't die before me," he said with a small laugh. "You don't look like the kind of person that would have the guts to jump."

She watched him laugh and smile before his face became serious again. What a beautiful smile, she thought, staring at him. Suddenly, she had an idea.

"Will you let me help you?" she asked, crossing her legs on the pavement.

"With what?" Yeonjun spat. He didn't need help, he was sure of that. Why would she help him anyway — what could she help him with anyway?

"I want to help you live," she said.

Yeonjun was quiet. She can't help me live. She can't change my mind. She's just a stranger. He can't let her do something that even he can't do.

But despite his thoughts, he couldn't help but sigh and say, "Okay," in a quiet voice. He watched her look away with a smile on her face.

She couldn't possibly change his mind, could she?

"How old are you?"

It had been around five days since Yeonjun had let May help him, and she felt as if she was getting no where. She knew nothing about the boy except his physical appearance and the fact that he was so eager to kill himself.

"You're still a stranger to me," Yeonjun said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they walked down the empty streets. It was around six in the afternoon and the sun had started to set.

"You wouldn't know my name if I was a stranger," May said. "And you know my name, so..."

Yeonjun stayed quiet. "Fair point." He sighed, "Twenty." May smiled in victory, happy that she had gotten him to tell her his age.

"So," she said. "You're a year older than me. Interesting."

"It's not like it matters though," he mumbled. "It's just a stupid number." The boy scoffed and stared at the ground they were walking on. She was quiet, thinking of what he had said and how he had said it — it was almost as if he was angry at his age.

"You seem to get angry easily," she said, "like you hate everyone and everything, even the simplest of things."

"I don't get angry easily," he said. "I just have a lot of things I'm angry at." May watched him walk with his head down, his hair disheveled, but he didn't seem to care enough to fix it. His eyes were still the same — blank. She didn't know what he was thinking, and it scared her.

He cleared his throat, "You seem to be happy," he said. "You must have a nice life."

"I don't."

May stopped walking and looked at him with the same look he had given her countless of times in the past five days. "I don't have a nice life and I'm not happy."

Yeonjun turned around to look at her. "Then why do you smile when you aren't?" he said quietly. "Why should you pretend you're something you're not?"

May's eyes were blank, but if he had looked closer, he could see a small light in them. "Because I'd rather do this than accept my truth," she said. "I'd like to think that maybe once in a while, I can be happy too."

. . .

May didn't know where she was going. In fact, she didn't care as she walked for what seemed like miles beside Yeonjun. He didn't seem to care either, considering how he had still stayed with her even though he had many opportunities to leave.

The girl continued to ask her questions and the boy answered them — hesitantly, of course. He was careful not to reveal too much about himself to May; he still wasn't able to bring himself to trust her.

She answered his questions too, though they weren't many — but still. At least he was curious enough to ask, she thought.

It was cold that night as they walked farther, and the farther they walked, the more comfortable they felt around each other.

But that didn't change anything — she was still a stranger to Yeonjun and that didn't plan to change any time soon.

May looked up. "Look," she said, pointing a finger towards the sky with a smile on her face. "You can see the stars from here."

He looked up as well, a small smile tugging on his lips. "It's nice," he said. "You usually can't see them because of all the pollution in the atmosphere." May nodded.

"It's been a while since I went stargazing," she said, more to herself than Yeonjun.

"You used to stargaze?" he asked, surprised. Of course she did, he thought.

May nodded again, "I used to go with my... brother," she said quietly. "On the roof of our house. We would borrow our mother's telescope in the middle of the night and look for planets in the stars."

"You have a brother?"

She felt tears filling her eyes, but kept smiling. She wasn't going to cry, not after she had promised him she wouldn't.

But even so, it still hurt her to think about him — her beloved brother.

"I do," she said, turning to Yeonjun with a bright smile. "A younger brother. I haven't seen him in a while, though."

"Must be nice to have siblings," he mumbled. "At least you weren't alone growing up."

Don't cry, May. You can do it. Just don't cry. "Yeah," she said. She was getting tired of smiling. "I hope I see him again some day."

May stopped talking after that and Yeonjun stared at her. The way she had said her last sentence — quietly, sadly — it made him wonder, What exactly happened to her brother? But he wouldn't ask. Instead, he shook his head. I don't care about her life, he thought. Stop trying to make me pity you.

But deep down, Yeonjun knew what he thought was a lie.

"Wanna count the stars?" May suddenly asked, smiling. "It'll be fun."

"But aren't there thousands of them?"

She laughed, "There of billions of them, Yeonjun," she said. "More than we could ever count, actually. But it'll be fun for us — let's challenge them."

As they sat on the curb of the street, all alone in the darkness counting stars, Yeonjun would've been lying if he had said he didn't feel some sort of connection with this... this stranger. He could feel it, as if the universe had brought him to her on purpose.

He turned towards her, watching her mouth numbers with her finger pointed towards them. A tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn't seem to notice it as she kept her eyes focused on the stars. Yeonjun looked away and started counting as well.

But May did notice, and soon she had realized that she had broken her promise. I'm sorry, brother, she thought, wiping her tears from her face. I want to cry for you, but I can't. Will it be okay if I do just this once?

Beomgyu?

Three weeks had passed since May had saved Yeonjun that day on the bridge, and the two strangers had started to grow fond of each other's presence since then. It was almost as if they were friends — but Yeonjun would never admit it. He had promised himself not to put so much trust in someone and he planned to keep that promise until the very end.

It was oddly sunny for a Thursday in late March. Usually, Yeonjun wouldn't have bothered to even look up at the sky, but things had changed ever since that night with May.

He thought back to the way she had stared at the dark sky, eyes shining with tears, and he remembered how they slowly fell from her eyes, one by one.

It bothered him how much he was starting to care about the tiniest details since that night.

Yeonjun sighed and shook his head, hoping that he would stop thinking about it. He wasn't supposed to care — it wasn't like him. He pulled his hood over his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking in his usual slouched position to wherever his feet would lead him.

He stopped at the cemetery.

It wasn't the place he wanted to end up, but he couldn't leave just like that. Despite his cold aura, he was still the same respectful boy he was when he was young. He pulled down his hood, revealing his recently-dyed blonde hair, even messier than the day before. He walked farther into the cemetery until he reached an isolated area where few grave stones were seen. He liked how it wasn't crowded there — that way, she was easier to find.

Yeonjun stopped in front of his mother's grave, staring down at it with teary eyes. Even after all these years, he was never quite able to get over her death and move on like the rest of their family had — and at this rate, he didn't think he ever would.

"Hi, mom," he spoke, sniffling. "It's been a while since I've visited you, hasn't it? Sorry for that." A small smile appeared on his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, blue box with a white ribbon tied on it. He held it in his hands, playing with the ribbon.

"You would always tell me to never give up," he said, his voice cracking. "You said that there's always something waiting for me on the other side."

"But, what if there's nothing waiting for me there?"

Ever since his mother's death, Yeonjun had never been the same person — which would've been understandable if you'd been in his position. His mother was a hero to him, someone he had admired greatly. To have a child's role model suddenly disappear from their life is like killing a part of them.

He closed his eyes, "What if I have no one waiting for me once I reach the end? What if I never had anyone to begin with?"

He held the box tightly in his hands, holding his tears back. He wasn't going to cry, even if it killed him. "I tried to kill myself, mom — did you know that? You were watching from Heaven, weren't you?" He sighed, "Do you think that if I had jumped off that bridge, I would've seen you again?"

Yeonjun was silent, as if waiting for his mother to answer from her grave. He stared at the words written on the stone, a small smile appearing on his lips. He looked at the blue box in his hands once again before setting it down in front of her tombstone. "Nevermind," he mumbled with a sad smile.

"Happy birthday, mom."

He turned around and started to walk away, finally letting his tears fall as he stepped farther away from the place his mother had been buried.

As he walked away with his head hanging low to prevent anyone from seeing his tears, he felt the urge to turn around and look at the stone on more time. But he forced himself to keep walking. For his own sake.

Yeonjun was a few steps away from the gates when something caught his eye. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves and stared at the girl who set flowers down on the tombstone she stood before. She didn't say anything, but stood silently in front of the stone. Then she turned to around, getting ready to leave the place. She made eye-contact with Yeonjun, her eyes full of shock and his full of sadness.

It was May.

. . .

"Your brother died, didn't he?"

May nodded, her expression sad, pitiful. She knew that he would find out sooner or later, but she didn't intend for him to find out this way. "Yeah," she said, sniffling, "he did."

"Oh." Yeonjun felt bad for mentioning it, but May had never said he couldn't. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "It happened a while ago. It was just a matter of time before I told you anyway."

"You didn't have to say anything if you didn't want to." He turned his head to look at her, "I wouldn't have asked if you had said so."

She smiled, "Since when did you start caring?" she asked, amused. "You don't seem like the type."

"I've always cared. I just don't want to get hurt, so I hide my emotions." He sighed, "You're like that too, you know."

"I know," May said, her voice quiet, "and that's what I hate the most about myself. I just wish I didn't have to hide myself from everyone."

When she stopped talking, Yeonjun stared at her. Her hair was in her face, but she didn't care enough to move it away. "You don't have to hide yourself from me," he said quietly. May looked at him.

She smiled, "Only if you'll do the same." Yeonjun smiled back — a genuine smile, one that May hadn't seen before. But it was also a sad smile, a traumatized smile. She knew he was in pain and she wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know how.

She looked down, "My brother was killed by our father," she said, taking in a deep breath. "It was one of those days where he had gotten drunk late at night and decided to beat their kids senseless for whatever stupid reason."

Yeonjun could tell that she was angry by the way she was talking about her father — she wasn't over her brother's death. And he was right. She couldn't get over it, just like he couldn't get over his mother's.

"It used to be me," she said, "the one that would get beaten, but I only did it to protect him. He was still too young anyway." May paused, making sure she was okay before continuing. "But I failed to protect him from that monster." A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it harshly.

"He died three years ago today," she said. "And it was all my fault." More tears fell from her eyes, but May didn't bother to wipe them. She didn't care if she had broken her promise to her brother — it had been so long and she had never properly mourned for him. This was the only chance she got.

As Yeonjun watched the girl cry, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He had told her nothing about his past and she had just opened up about something so personal. He sighed again. "Today is my mom's birthday," he said in a quiet voice. "She died six years ago, and ever since then, I've been trying to kill myself just so that I get to see her again. But every time I try, someone's always there to stop me."

She listened quietly as Yeonjun continued. "I looked up to her," he said, "and I loved her more than anything in the world, so when she died, I felt as if a part of me had died. I hated God for taking her from me, the only person that had ever understood me, and I hated myself for not being there when she had died."

"I guess we're more similar than I thought," she said.

"Huh," Yeonjun said with a small smile. "I guess we are."

"Look," she smiled, holding out her hand full of seashells to the young boy. "Aren't they pretty?" The boy nodded and took the shells into his hand, dumping them into the purple bucket beside him.

"Let's look over there!" he said with a smile to the woman, pointing towards a small tide pool. He started running and the woman stared at him lovingly.

It was her birthday that day, and she had decided to spend that day with her child down at the beach. She had never been happier.

"Mom!" the boy yelled running towards her with a handful of shells from the tide pool. Some of them fell from his hands, creating a trail behind him. "I got some! Look, look!"

She smiled, "Wow!" she said. "That's a lot of shells!" The boy nodded happily and put them in the bucket, reaching out for his mother's hand. She gladly took it as the walked around on the beach, the sun shining brightly in the sky.

Several hours had passed. The mother watched her child play in the ocean waters as she sat on the sand, a small smile on her face. She felt joyful watching her son smile so carelessly, as if he had no worries in the world.

The boy wandered back to his mother and sat beside her; she immediately wrapped her arms around the boy. "Look," she said, pointing toward the distance. The sun was setting. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" He nodded. "There's something on the other side of that sunset, something more beautiful than this."

She looked at him, squeezing his shoulder, "I want you to keep going until you reach the other side," she said, "because there's something waiting for you there, something much greater than anything you could ever dream of."

He opened his eyes.

Yeonjun sighed and sat up in his bed. He had always been a victim of his dreams, and he hated how emotional he was after he had woken up from them.

Throwing his sheets to the side, he got out of bed, stretching his arms and legs. Afterwards, he threw on a shirt and walked out of the room. His father was never home anymore, so he didn't have to worry about bumping into him as he walked down the hallway that lead to the living room. Yeonjun looked around the house — he had forgotten how lonely it was since he was always out on the streets, only coming home to sleep before he went out again the next morning. When was the last time he had sat down with his father and had a proper conversation with him.

About six years ago, the same day his mother left him to go to the other side.

He didn't care though — soon, he wouldn't have to deal with the loneliness any longer. He slipped on his shoes after putting on his usual black hoodie and left the house.

To his surprise, May had been waiting outside for him. She smiled when she saw him. "Hey, Yeonjun," she said. "How've you been?"

Ever since the day at the cemetery, Yeonjun hadn't seen the girl. He didn't know if she was embarrassed or if something had happened at home, and as much as he hated to admit it, he had started to care about her.

"Oh," he said, stuffing his hands into his pocket. "May. What are you doing here?"

She shrugged, "I had no where else to go," she said. "I wanted to see how you were doing, too."

A small smile appeared on his face as he closed the front door behind him. "I'm flattered," he said, walking toward the girl.

She scoffed, "Don't get ahead of yourself."

As they walked away from the boy's house, Yeonjun smiled, staring down at his torn shoes. He didn't know he could miss someone as much as he had missed May the last week and a half, but he did; and being with her after a while made him feel happy.

Something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Let's go somewhere," May said, snapping the boy out of his thoughts. "Somewhere quiet where no one would dare to go."

Yeonjun was silent, thinking. "The only quiet place around us is the woods, near the highway." She smiled. "You don't wanna go there, do you?"

"That's exactly where we'll go," she said.

"What? No wa—" Yeonjun was cut off when she grabbed his hand and started running down the street, a smile decorating her face.

He smiled.

. . .

"Come on," May said, pulling Yeonjun through sea of trees. He hurried behind her, stepping over logs. Every time he would set his foot down, dead leaves would crunch under his weight. He chuckled to himself quietly, the memories of him jumping in piles of leaves coming to his head.

"Here," May said, stepping out into the clearing. "We're here, Yeonjun." She turned around to look at the boy with a tired smile.

He looked around. It seemed as if she had brought him to the middle of nowhere. Yeonjun stared at May, confused. "Why are we here?"

May sat down on a log, sighing. "I used to come here with my brother when we were younger," she said. "I always end up here from time to time when I need to be alone." He nodded and moved forward, sitting beside May but keeping his distance.

"Your brother," Yeonjun started, "how close were you two?" He'd never been one to care about people's personal lives, but when it came to May, everything was different. Even though they'd been strangers only a few weeks ago, he felt like he could trust her.

"I would do anything for my brother," she said, looking at him. "He was the only person I had, the only one I felt safe around."

"Oh," he mumbled. "It must've been nice, to have someone to count on and trust."

May's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've been alone all my life," Yeonjun said. "Even when my mom was still alive, I was still alone. Before I was the sad, depressed kid everyone knew for trying to kill himself every month, I was still lonely. I've never had anyone by my side, May."

The girl looked at him sadly. She knew it must've been hard to live a life without someone to depend on, and it only became worse when his mother had died. She knew what it felt like, but she could never fully understand the pain and sorrow Yeonjun felt.

"You have me."

Yeonjun's head turned and he looked at May with the same blank look he had given her the day they met on the bridge. "What?"

"You don't have to be lonely anymore," she said with a smile, her eyes twinkling, "because you have me now."

Yeonjun couldn't remember how he ended up on the ground with his face buried in his knees, sobbing as May comforted him with a hug. But what she had said had triggered something inside of him, making him break down.

He had always wanted to hear those words from someone, anyone. He had always wanted to make sure that he had someone to rely on when he needed them. He had always wanted to feel loved, even if it was by the wrong person. And May made him feel that way.

For the first time since his mother's death, Yeonjun felt loved.

"You can cry," she said softly, hugging him as he leaned on her. "It's okay, just cry. I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

He looked up and stared at May with glossy, red eyes. The look he gave her hurt her, but the words he said made her heart break.

"Stay with me. Please."

She smiled at him and nodded, a tear escaping her eye. "Okay," she said. "I'll stay with you." Yeonjun smiled and looked back down, his head resting on her chest with his eyes closed.

"Always," May mumbled once his cries had calmed down. "For as long as you need me, I'll always be here for you."

There were nights where Yeonjun couldn't move.

As he lay in his bed in the middle of the night with wide eyes, he tried to scream but he couldn't. No words would come out of his mouth no matter how hard he tried. His body would stop functioning and would shut down, leaving him "paralyzed" and in pain, tears filling up in his eyes only to fall.

On those nights, Yeonjun wished his mother was with him. He wished that she was there to comfort him and take his pain away, just like she'd done years before.

But she wasn't there, and he was left in pain.

Stop, he begged, opening his mouth to scream but nothing came out. Please, stop. It was no use trying to scream though — it wouldn't stop anyway.

Hours had passed before he could move again, and the first thing he did was cry. He hated how vulnerable he could be at times like these, after he'd worked so hard to hide. But being vulnerable was something normal to him now.

Ever since May had appeared in his life, his emotions had been showing, one by one. And he hated the idea of being able to feel again.

Yeonjun sat up in his bed and held his head in his hands, sobbing quietly as the pain in his body slowly started to fade. His shoulders were shaking and he wished that someone was there to hold him. But no matter how much he wished, no one would be there.

He was lonely, sitting there with tears streaming down his face, and he pitied himself. Yeonjun sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes and face, forcing himself to stop crying and smile. "I'm okay," he said quietly. "I'm okay."

He was anything but okay.

When morning had finally come, the first thing Yeonjun did was lock himself in the bathroom and sit in the tub. He buried his face in his knees and silently cried. He knew it wouldn't matter if he had cried aloud — there was no one to listen to him anyway.

Yeonjun was tired. He was tired of living, of being hurt, of remembering, of feeling. He was tired of everything, and he just wanted everything to stop.

The more tired he got, the more he hurt. And the more he hurt, the more he hated — both everything and himself.

. . .

He would meet May today. Yeonjun had told her to come to the bridge, saying it was an emergency.

But all he wanted was to see her again.

In the small amount of time they had spent together, Yeonjun could no longer ignore his feelings for the girl. May made him feel loved and cared for. She made him want to live a little longer, even if it were just for a day.

He held onto the railing, staring down at the water below. The boy could see his reflection staring back at him with sad, tired eyes, and he could see past it as well. It was as if he were there, but was invisible. It bothered him.

"You called?" Yeonjun turned around to find a smiling May, her hands in her pockets. She looked happier since the last time they'd met, but he could still see traces of sadness in her eyes.

"Yeah," Yeonjun said. "I did." He let go of the railing he had been holding onto so tightly and slowly walked toward the girl.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

"Nothing," he said. "I just wanted to see you again."

May snorted, "I'm flattered," she said, "But was that really an emergency?"

"It was for me." He smiled sadly, "Funny, right?"

"No," she shook her head. "I wanted to see you, too."

May knew her feelings well. It didn't matter that only a few weeks ago, Yeonjun had been a stranger that had tried to kill himself — she didn't care that she was only trying to save him.

He cleared his throat and sighed, "Did you mean it?" Yeonjun asked. "What you said back there in the forest? Did you mean it when you said you'd stay with me?"

"Every word." May's eyes turned glossy, as if she were to cry at any second. "I meant everything I said."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

He took in a deep breath, "Why is it that every time you're around me," he started, "I feel as if I can finally be me? And when you're not near me, why do I want to see you?"

May cracked a smile. "I was thinking the same thing," she said.

"Do you know what it is?" he asked. Yeonjun didn't understand why he felt so scared suddenly. His emotions were betraying him — he wasn't supposed to feel these kinds of things. But he was, and it was scaring him.

"Maybe," she said, "this is love."

"Then why do I feel so scared?" He stared at her with tears filling his eyes, "If this is love, why am I so afraid?"

"Because love is unpredictable. You don't know whether it'll hurt you or heal you." She moved closer to him. "It's okay if you're scared," she said quietly, staring up at him. "I'm scared, too."

That day, Yeonjun loved, something that he had never done quite right before. And although he may have been scared, he loved nonetheless.

Grey was the day, with clouds blocking the sun from shining brightly. May didn't seem to care though, as she walked with her head hung low and dragged her feet.

It was a rather sad day that day, the anniversary of her father's death. Despite him being the reason why her dear brother had died, she still remembered the happy memories they had made as a family.

After her father had died, May had no one left. Her mother had taken off many years before and didn't plan to ever come back — May believed that she was either living happily with another family or dead. That would mean she was the only one left alive.

She hated living.

It pained her thinking about her family. They used to be happy and she wondered where everything had gone wrong. Was it their mother's sudden disappearance? Or was it their father's drinking problem?

Maybe it had been them, the children, that were the problem. Her mother had never been really affectionate with them, but she still loved them.

She did, right?

Now that May thought of it, they never really were a happy family, were they? There was always something wrong, a problem that claimed it couldn't be fixed. Her mother was rarely happy around them, her father had always drunk. It wasn't until they had reached their limits that they had turned into what they were today.

Runaways, or dead.

May sniffled, moving her hair out of her face and finally looking up from the ground. It was too cold for April — maybe it had just been the wind. She sighed and blinked away the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. "Jeez," she mumbled with a small smile. "What's with the gray days?"

She knew exactly why the day was gray.

As she got closer to the place she would be meeting Yeonjun, she silently cried, failing to hold in her tears. Falling to the ground, she hugged her knees and cried as the cars passed by, not caring enough to pull over and ask what was wrong. Either way, her answer would've been the same.

Everything was wrong.

. . .

"You cried," he said, staring into her red, puffy eyes. "Again." His hands were stuffed in his pockets as usual and his yellow hair was hidden under his hood. He wore the same thing as usual, too — black hoodie and ripped jeans. Not much had changed since that day. Maybe his emotions for May had grown, maybe they had faded — she couldn't tell behind his blank eyes.

"Yeah," she said, looking away from the boy and sniffling. "I did."

"Why did you cry again?"

He was being straightforward now, which was something new. May didn't mind — she just didn't know how to tell him what the day meant for her. She looked at him again, her eyes glossy as tears formed once again.

"If I tell you," she started, "and I cry once again, will you hold me?"

His blank eyes turned into worried ones as he watched her wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. He wanted to know what had made her so sad that day and why she had cried — it hurt him to see the person he cared about cry so much.

"Will you let me hold you?" he asked, taking a step forward.

"Yes," she said, her voice quiet as she stared into his chocolate eyes. "Please."

May lost count of how many times she had cried that day, but she didn't seem to care anymore as she broke down into tears while Yeonjun held her. It broke his heart to see her like that — and it hurt even more because he didn't know why she was crying to begin with.

By the time she had calmed down, they were sitting inside a café, Yeonjun watching May as she stared blankly at the cup of coffee in front of her. She wanted to keep crying, but her tears had already dried up. So instead, she sighed and avoided eye-contact with the boy in front of her.

"Something happened, didn't it?" Yeonjun asked cautiously. He didn't want to trigger something in her once again. "Something serious?"

"No," she said. There wasn't any emotion left in her voice, and it scared him. "Not today. Years ago."

"Did it have to do with your brother?" he asked.

"Somewhat."

Yeonjun knew that he shouldn't be asking; he didn't want to remind her that her life was messed up — maybe even more messed up than his was — but he couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry," he said, "for asking. I know you don't want to talk about i--"

"I never said I didn't." May finally looked up and stared at him with the same look he had always given her in the past, emotionless. "You just never asked."

"Is it okay if I ask then?"

"It won't make any difference. He's gone, anyway."

May's father died of a gunshot wound to the head. That was all she had told him — nothing more, nothing less.

"I won't visit him, though," she said. "All I'll do is pity him for living such a shitty life. It was all his doing anyway, it's his own fault he's dead."

Suddenly, he was scared. He had never seen May act that way and he felt something bad would happen sooner or later. Clearing his throat, the boy looked at her worriedly.

"May," he said. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Why would I?" she asked. "What? Do you think I'd actually feel remorse for my brother's killer?" May scoffed, "It'd be cruel to do such a thing."

"Please," he said. "Just— for your own sake, don't do anything stupid."

She paused, as if his words were still processing through her head. After a while, she sighed, closing her eyes tightly. "Fine," she said. "For our sake." Yeonjun smiled, relieved.

They went to his house afterward.

"Do you ever feel lonely even though you're with someone?" she asked quietly, poking Yeonjun's arm that had been wrapped around her.

The two were laying in his bed, staring at the white ceiling above them. There was nothing for them to do those days, but being with each other was just enough to satisfy them for now.

"Yeah," he said, braiding the girl's long, brown hair. "Most of the time."

She turned her head to look at him. "Even when you're with me?" May asked.

"Sometimes."

She turned back around. "I won't lie to you," she said. "I do too, sometimes. Even after you had finally warmed up to me — I just felt alone, even though you were sitting right beside me."

"Was I that cold?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "You were."

Yeonjun sighed, "I do it to protect myself," he said. "I don't want to be hurt again when someone I care about leaves. I don't want to feel so helpless and weak anymore."

May was silent. She felt tears building up. "What if I leave you one day?" she asked in a quiet voice, so quiet he could barely hear her. "Would you become helpless and weak then?"

"I'd be more than that," he said. "I'd be broken, and I don't think I'd ever want to be fixed."

The girl felt a tear run down her cheek and she wiped it quickly. Then I'm sorry, Yeonjun, she wanted to say. I'm truly sorry.

"You won't leave, right?" he asked. "You'll stay?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'll try."

May lied.

. . .

It was the twenty-seventh of April, a cold spring morning — which didn't seem to matter to May. Everyday was cold for her, everyday was grey.

As the girl sat in her bed, her hair messy and oily, she couldn't help but cry. It was all she had done the past few days — lay in bed for hours on end without moving and cry. There was nothing left for her to do anyway.

It was time.

Hours later, when the sun had finally decided to set in the horizon, May got out of bed and slipped her slippers on. She walked out of her room in her small, sad apartment and headed straight towards the front door — she wouldn't even bother changing. Grabbing the paper that had been folded on the table, she put it in her pocket and left the apartment with red, teary eyes.

She made her way towards the bridge.

It was vacant as usual, only a few people walking past. They gave the girl weird stares, but she didn't care anymore. She didn't care about anything anymore.

Except for the boy.

With every step she took, she felt her heart shatter. Tears fell from her dark brown eyes as she sobbed. She wanted to turn around and run to the boy, she wanted him to hold her like he had before. But she couldn't.

May dragged her feet until she was standing at the same place she had stood when she met Yeonjun. Sniffling, she took out her phone and wiped her tears from her face. She called Yeonjun.

He picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?" he answered. May closed her eyes tightly as more tears fell. She covered her mouth, containing her sobs.

"May? What's wrong?" Yeonjun asked worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry," she said, holding the letter that had been in her pocket in her hand, salty tears falling onto it. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you like I said I would."

"What do you mean?" he asked confused. "What's going on?"

"I can't— I can't take it anymore, Yeonjun," she said. "I can't take this pain anymore — it's killing me."

"Where are you?" She could hear shuffling and footsteps. "May?"

"You know where I am," she smiled sadly. "I know you do."

"May, don't hang up. Please don't hang up."

"I tried my best," she said. "I tried so hard to contain my pain. I tried so hard to be happy — and I was, Yeonjun. I was happy with you. I thought that maybe, you could fix me." May paused, "But being with you made all my hurt overflow; it reminded me of all the shitty things that have happened to me and how they'll never go away no matter how hard I try."

"May, plea—"

"I was supposed to save you," she laughed softly. "You were the one that was supposed to be fixed. But fixing you broke me. I can't be fixed anymore, Yeonjun. I've had enough."

"Ma—"

"I meant when I said I loved you that day," she said, her voice breaking. "I'm not doing this because of you — I just don't want to hurt anymore."

"Don't hang u—"

She hung up.

Letting her phone fall from her hand, May covered her mouth as she sobbed, kneeling down to set the piece of paper in her hand on the bridge. She smiled, staring at it for a moment before finally turning away and looking ahead.

She grabbed onto the railing, using it to help her get up. May looked down at the water, seeing her own reflecting staring right back at her. It was small, and even though she couldn't see it well, she hated it because it was her.

"May!" She turned around to see him running toward her. She could tell he was going as fast as he could, but it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Yeonjun couldn't stop her.

As he approached her with each step, May turned back around and closed her eyes. "Choi Yeonjun," she whispered to herself, a smile stretching across her face, the smile he had adored so much.

"I loved you."

She fell.


End file.
